


Not Your Cup of Tea

by craple



Category: DCU - Comicverse, Red Hood and the Outlaws, Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: M/M, Minor Violence, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-16
Updated: 2013-05-16
Packaged: 2017-12-12 01:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/805343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/craple/pseuds/craple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim decides that he is the best decision-maker to exist and this is why he is the leader of the Titans and thus shall never put Bart or Cassie on command <i>ever</i> again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Your Cup of Tea

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd. bored. loosely based on that red hood & the outlaws issue with joker holding tim + jason captive and the titans + outlaws tried to save them.

Both Bart and Cassie are quite insistent on the matter of tracking the Outlaws down.

For all intents and purposes, Tim thinks it's probably Bart's sudden fascination on proving _something_ to Roy and Cassie's loathing of being told what to do, especially by a _mere human being_ – which is precisely what Roy is and what _Tim_ is, but he's pretty sure she didn't mean it that way, sorts of – rather than anything, really.

The only reason he obliges to their wishes is because Bunker apparently has become rather fond of Harper, and Solstice does not mind their company as much as she thought she would. Even though he's been trying to explain for the last four hours of the perfectly valid reasons of why this is going to be written on their list of Titan's Most Terriblest Ideas shortly, none of them listens, as per-usual.

So Tim sighs, and Tim goes home, and Tim tries to find Jason through various trails the man has left behind that either leads to dead-ends or dead-mafias or once, the walking-dead.

It's the most frustrating day of Tim's life, because Jason is not easy to track when he doesn't want to be found, also because his ears are already sore from the six-hours press of Batman's untraceable phone against each ear as he rattles off coordinates and the nature of his emergency at least forty-six times until he's tired and decides to bookmark everything he's found in a single file for Gordon to receive once he's finished.

He ends up falling asleep with the side of his face marked red from the keyboard, a bitten-off muffin crushed beneath the palm of his hand, the screen of his phone glaring bright in the darkness of the Batcave, plus Alex Clare's _Too Close_ blaring obnoxiously loud from the speaker of his phone.

Tim has half a mind to ignore the call until morning before realising _who_ , exactly, that particular song is used for – and he's scrambling away from the chair to answer the call without needing to confirm the caller ID.

"Drake," Tim croaks, voice roughened from sleep and dehydration, and he flushes at the sound of Jason's amused all-knowing laughter that follows.

"Hey Babybird," Jason drawls in that obnoxiously annoying way of his that still manages to make Tim squirming on his feet despite the many times he's convinced himself it does not sound all that _hot_ as his mind keeps telling him it does. "So it seems that you've been trying to find me. Care to tell me why?"

Trust Jason to be the most straightforward and blunt of them all, Tim thinks, gritting his teeth and swallows down the shaky breath that's going to escape him soon if he does not sit the fuck down.

And to know that this guy is the one controlling every single illegal operation in Gotham, and possibly in some other countries he and Roy and Kory have traveled to; the thought is slightly endearing and frightening all at once. Tim's lips curl. His fingers fly over the keyboard before he knows what he's doing, tracking for Jason's location.

"I – yes, I was – I've been trying to reach you. There's something important you need to know. Can we talk?" at the low snicker he receives in return, Tim mentally slaughters himself for being ridiculous. "Right, stupid question. I mean can we meet? Face to face, preferably without our batarangs and explosive contents involved."

"I don't know," Jason says, obviously smirking from the tone of his voice, the unfairly attractive asshat. Not that Tim's got any complaints about his ass or anything. "Will it involve tights and that beautiful red silk tie of yours, wrapped around my neck, and The Heavy screaming obscenities in the background?"

"What – no, that's. That's fifth date material," Tim blurts out, face flaming in embarrassment and humiliation and obvious arousal; fingers stuttering above the black key beneath his hand as the mental image of Jason shirtless except for the tie wrapped around that his neck, a stark contrast against the golden of his skin, grinning all teeth up at Tim.

Jason laughs, hot and low, sending sparks down the length of Tim's spine, and Tim's breath hitches. "We both know you're going to find me in the next three or four hours, so why bother asking pointless questions you know the answer to?"

Tim chews on his lower lip. "Will you let me chain you to the bed with the tie?" says Tim, flux-innocent, and Jason groans a deep guttural sound that makes Tim's pants unbearably tighter than they already are.

"See you later, Babybird." Jason says, then hangs up; just as the red blip on his screen pinpoints his exact location at a hotel somewhere in Prague, leaving Tim all the way up here in Gotham, desperate and aching for his touch.

Perfect.

\--

After asking for Alfred's permission to use the black jet Bruce keeps hidden under the cave – which is physically _impossible_ , since the cave is already _under_ the ground, but Tim's not surprised since it's _Bruce_ – Cassie, Bart, Skitter, Bunker and Solstice settle themselves comfortably on their seats whilst Tim mentally freaks out at the notion of seeing Jason.

It's not that Jason's going to get angry seeing him, no. Jason _wants_ Tim to see him, from time to time, because some of his... _jobs_ can last for a really long time. And, Tim wouldn't mind that, he really wouldn't, if just the kind of jobs Jason does is more the kind of Cass-in-Hong-Kong-jobs rather than Talia-during-her-period kind of job.

He can always distract Jason away from the job, if it becomes a bit too much, and he's sure Roy and Kory would appreciate the sentiment. He's just not sure Jason will be pleased to see him now with five other teenagers on his tailbone. So yes, sue him for being a ball of nervous wreck at the moment.

"Prague, I've _always_ wanted to go to Prague." Bart says, cheerful and loveable and annoying behind him. From the clean bulletproof window, Tim can see Bart leaning forward, knees bouncing in excitement as he gestures animatedly at Solstice. "What was it like again, Prague? I remember you mentioning it once, during a job in Metro City," and that gets Solstice talking fast.

Without anyone talking to him, Tim manages to pull his thoughts altogether balanced. He has his list of things to do once they arrived memorised by heart, drawing lines of streets and rivers on his knees and tries not to feel self-conscious of his plain button-down shirt and bright scarlet sweaters.

The material is thick enough for him not to freeze himself to death, at least, though he does regret not wearing something less... tight for the pants. He barely feels like he wears any, what with his jeans clinging to his legs like second skin.

He doubts Jason would see the difference – he rarely does, when he's too focused or too horny to care – but getting a cold before he can get _anything_ out of today's event in the most sexual way possible is not in his schedule. Still, it would be fun to watch Jason getting frustrated at the lack of submission his jeans offer, and better yet to have it ripped off Tim's person with Jason's wandering hands hungry for his skin.

Everything will be fine, Tim thinks. There is no way – and he really, truly does mean it – that either Bart or Wonder Girl would even _consider_ asking Roy back into Teen Titans and ruin it all for the archer, possibly also jeopardising Tim's sort-of-relationship with the leader of the Outlaws.

It's no secret that Roy is not particularly fond of Green Arrow, as of late (which, yeah; understatement of the fucking millennium), so offering him a place in Teen Titans would risk their connection with the Outlaws.

Which means more strain on the thread of what is left between the Bat's family and Jason, Kory's wrath unleashed upon them (note to self: _do not piss Kory off_. The poor guys with the military tank – Tim still shudders every time he remembers _that_ ) and Roy sabotaging their everything.

Yes, Tim does not doubt it anymore now; this is just going up the chart from tenth rank to second of the Titan's Most Terriblest Ideas list.

\--

They don't find Jason at the hotel room he and Kory and Roy are supposed to stay at.

Obviously, at the moment, Jason is working. The last time Tim called him around seventeen hours ago, he sounded like he was having fun eating breakfast and listening to the news. Tim can practically smell the scent of Jason's favoured tea, then. His trademark smirk when Tim says something cutting, because apparently yes, he does find that hot; Tim crawling onto his lap during said morning and sex on the kitchen counter.

Dining table is always off-limits, Roy had said. It is the only rule they have not broken yet.

"Like I said," Tim begins. "He's probably at work now, so we can just. Check in here, see if they come back?" Wonder Girl snorts inelegantly at him. "Nonsense. We have come this far, we should not be kept waiting any longer." Bart frowns at her.

"Are you mimicking Thor's speech pattern? Because we'd have to copyright that." Bart says, and receives a vicious jab to his ribs for his effort. Tim winces sympathetically for him.

"I don't know where he is," Tim says.

"Lies." Solstice quips, ever so cheerful, and Tim ducks to hide his flinch and sighs.

"Can we stop for a coffee and, possibly, a lunch at least? My stomach's killing me." It's not a lie, because Tim's stomach _is_ killing him with its incessant whining right now, so they stop at the first Italian restaurant they can find to eat.

Seated with the food laid out on the surface of the joined tables, Tim checks his phone. There's a message from Dick, telling him that Tim should've told him that he's leaving with B's jet, but other than that, there's nothing.

Picking his cutlery, Tim takes a bite out of his calamari before digging whole-heartedly into his monestrone and ignores the sinking terrible feelings in his chest.

\--

"So this is not cliché at all." Bart says, wrapping his three-layers of jackets tighter around his body. Tim huffs, thick mist clouding over his paling lips, rolls his eyes because it's only appropriate.

"No, I mean it," Bart insists. "It's not everyday someone uses a church as their safe-haven – I mean, well, _everybody_ does but – people in our line of work, I mean. Or rather, _their_ line of work." Cassie's lips pursed.

"... _Information_ gathering line of work." Bart adds, at the dark look Cassie sends him, and Solstice smiles. "We mean no disrespect, of course." She directs this statement at Tim's way.

When Skitter and Bunker frown in confusion, Bart mouths _'They're dating'_ not so discretely behind Tim. Both of them nod understandingly. Tim pointedly ignores their interaction – he's ignored a lot of things today, he thinks he can ignore a few more – and proceeds to lead his friends toward the direction of the back door.

The church is an old thing located at the most isolated part of the city. It is grand and undeniably beautiful, like most churches they've seen so far are, painted rich dark brown and elegant darker-shades with an air of sacred-ground-of-sorts around the place.

Green grass and dark wet ground; the place seems to live regularly with people come and go, but the chains wrapped around the handles of the double-door at the front entrance confirm his suspicion that this place has been vacated for a long while, and that Jason is probably the only one who's been using it for _information gathering_ purposes, as Bart has put it.

He pick-locks the back door carefully with respect – atheist or not, Tim has always liked the beauty of churches' architectural; he wouldn't like to ruin such a beauty – letting the others come in first before herding the lot of them near the confessional booth, where a secret passage leading underground was made around three-or-four months ago with the money Jason received from guns-trading with the America's military forces.

(No, Tim does not need to hack and bribe everyone and everything to get that piece of information, he is not that desperate for Jason's attention, goddammit.)

Halfway down, his phone blares to live singing _'And it feels like I am just too close to love you, there's nothing that I can really say'_ which earns a few surprise reactions from the others, probably because they've been so silent the entire way down, and Tim tries not to fumble as he gets his phone out.

Jason's voice rings clearly, somehow loud in the quiet of the room, from the speaker. "Babybird? Is that you coming in?"

Tim _flushes_ , so hard his head is dizzy from the rush of blood to his cheeks. Jason's voice is still that usual smoky drawls, a bit intimate if you really _listen_. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Tim replies with a hoarse "Yeah." Jason is quiet for a moment.

"Well then," he says, after a while. "Door's open whenever you like. I'm a bit busy at the moment so I'll probably come get you in an hour or so, is that okay?"

As he speaks, the lift finally reaches underground and is opening under Bart's weight when the man steps forward. There is only one door at the end of the corridor, a bunker of sorts where Jason can work peacefully, sound-proof and bullet-proof, not even _Superman_ can destroy it.

Tim follows his friends and palms the key in his pocket. "Actually, I'm already down at the bunker? You said you won't be at the motel, so I drove here instead. I mean, you're here, right?"

"What, I mean – yes, you're here? Shit," Jason curses, panic seeping in his voice. "Wait Tim, don't open the door yet, I'm still –"

Tim unlocks the door, and –

An ear-shattering cries and screams of tremendous _pain_ fill his ears.

Right there, in the middle of the room, Roy is currently in the process of removing some sort of grilling device Tim often sees in a fucking _cooking_ show from someone's abdomen. He can see intestines spilling down, seconds before Kory puts a burning blade on top of the large open wound while Jason tries to remove a collar of horns from the man's neck.

Behind him, Cassie starts retching and vomits all over the floor. Bart is visibly shaken, from the corner of Tim's peripheral, and Tim resists the urge to knock him out in case he – just in case.

Whatever it is Cassie's been expecting to find when they come looking for Roy, Tim is pretty sure it isn't this.

\--

"So. That was a bit awkward." Jason says.

He's wearing one of his favourite white Henleys, the one that's been worn too often it stretches across his muscles flawlessly, like it wants to show Jason's off, even though that's _Tim'_ s job. Tim is fully aware of how hot Jason can be, okay, he does not need another object to tell the world about it.

It probably isn't the most appropriate time to be thinking of Jason's body, since Cassie is still trying to recover from her shock, and neither of Titans are looking so good. Roy and Kory said they'd return later, when they've finished _gathering information_. Tim doesn't want to think how and what are they using to achieve that.

Tim pops the lid of his coke between two fingers, ignoring the look Bart is sending his way, before gulping down the content with vigour. His throat hurts and his entire mouth hurts, but it helps the headache that was beginning to form. Jason is looking at him funny.

"Anyway. I probably should tell you that whatever Intel you're looking for, you can get it through Babybird, right? I tell him everything and anything, so there's really no need for the young almighty to come to see us."

There is an insult down there, somewhere; even his tone _suggests_ that Jason is being awful and sarcastic, awfully sarcastic and Tim hates that he can get away with it because none of his friends seem to notice.

Jason plows on. "And if you're looking to re-recruit Harper or Kory, then you may as well just go home now." Cassie frowns, and Bart finally looks a little bit alive. Jason ignores them. "They're mine."

"You haven't even asked them –" Bart begins, but Jason cuts him off. "They'll say no," he states, with so much conviction it might as well be a fact. "They'll say no and you're wasting your time here."

Cassie crosses her arms over her chest. "And how will _you_ know? Just because you're their leader, doesn't mean you can make their decisions for them."

"Leader?" Jason repeats, incredulously. He looks at Tim with twinkling amused eyes. "Babybird, what have you been telling your friends over here? I'm their _'leader'_?" and Tim snorts, because he can't not to – the motion is as ridiculous as Tim imagines it to be.

His friends look hurt. Tim sighs. "I've told you a thousand times that Jason's not their leader," Tim says. "The reason Harper and Anders won't be leaving Jason isn't because they're _afraid_ of Jason – I'm pretty sure _Jason_ is afraid of Ms. Anders, anyway, don't try to deny it – it's because they love him too much to leave him."

"Also because I give good heads," Jason says, and Tim _chokes_. His friends do not look impressed. Jason laughs again.

"Anyway, try as you might, I won't get in your way. Just don't blame me if Harper starts shooting arrows up your arse or Kory gets into a full-on rampage mode, 'cause like I said, I'm not their leader. I can't tell them to do anything they don't want. So while you guys are trying to kill yourselves silly, I'm taking Babybird out for a coffee."

"I already ate," Tim protests, even though he's standing up to follow Jason walking toward the lift and already putting his jacket back on.

Turning around, Jason hits the button of the lift, spreads his legs, and draws Tim in between. "That was euphemism, Tim," whispers Jason into Tim's ear, nibbling at the patch of skin on Tim's jaw, sneaking a hand under Tim's shirt in the process.

"Oh," Tim says, and does not resist.

\--

They return three hours later to a nearly destroyed church and the Teen Titans running for their lives through the thick tree lines with Kory and Roy look on like a pair of newly-mated hawks. Jason does not say 'I told you so', but the smug look on his face is enough to piss Tim off.

"What did they do?" Jason asks Roy once they landed on the rooftops where his teammates are perched.

"They insulted our line of work," Kory says, hands on her hips and a look of utter disgust on her face. "We simply cannot tolerate it."

"Now, now. We have to play nice, Kory. Remember the last time we blew up one of Oliver's skyscraper and the Justice League thought it was intergalactic terrorists that did it?" Tim remembers exactly what happened; he and Dick went through hell and back to straighten any misunderstanding before Superman can obliterate the three of them from existence.

Jason puts his hands on Kory's shoulders, squeezing the tense muscles there until she visibly relaxes under his ministrations. "Okay?" he inquires, to which Kory reluctantly nod.

On their way home, Tim makes sure the belt is impossible to be unbuckled unless they have reached ground, just in case Cassie decides it's high time to break shit up and Bart thinks it would be hilarious to have a tornado in the middle of the plane out of fit of rage.

"Told them it was a bad idea," Tim murmurs, once they've landed, and promptly gets choked by one Cassie Sandsmark in response.

Jason laughs at him when Tim whines about them on the phone, but that's okay, Tim supposes, because Jason himself on the other hand has a pissed-off Kory and edgy Roy to deal with.

"Next time your team coaxes you to do something stupid, warn me first." Grumbles Jason, darkly, a few hours later. Tim croons at him over the phone.

"Maybe you should come over, so I can kiss it better." Then, as an afterthought, "You can also bring Roy and Kory, I think. Alfred just bought me a new four-poster bed."

He can faintly hear the sound of Dick cursing at the world, outside his bedroom; knows that Jason can hear it even through the phone and the wicked grin that must be marring on his face.

"Be there in two," Jason says then hangs up.

Tim has two hours to prepare.

Several bottles of lube and condoms and silk ties later, with Kory lying satisfied on top of Jason, Roy curling on Jason's side while Tim tries not to be jealous of Kory's fingers on Jason's biceps –

Tim decides that he is the best decision-maker to exist and this is why he is the leader of the Titans and thus shall never put Bart or Cassie on command _ever_ again.


End file.
